He doesn't love you \Anastasia/

Lullabies - All Time Low

- I finally blog this. I wrote this last February. Someone find out my blog  and that someone send me emails. She tells me a story about her relationship. She called it "fuck up relationship", I'm already familiar about their story not because I experience it already but because I can see it at others relationship too. I ask myself when we're chatting, Why does her boyfriend will do that? How can that boy hurt that pretty girl? She's one of the sweetest girl, kind and such a sweetheart. She has a beautiful hazel eyes and beachy brunette hair, Gods gracious she's a perfection so "WHY WOULD HER BOYFRIEND DO THAT TO HER?" I keep repeating that question all over my mind.

Before we talk, I believe that pretty girls have a perfect relationship but everything change when i heard her story.

I never realize someone that I didn't meet or know personally will share her story to me. (: Hoping SHE's happy now and stronger when it comes to love.

You're only young once. Get a grip.

He doesn't love you? The best revenge is not to love him back. To find little things that annoy you about him and pay attention to only them so you cant even bear to be in the same room as him anymore.

Don't let him touch you. Tell him if he touches you one more time you'll cut his fucking hands off.

When he laughs, keep a straight face. Make him as uncomfortable as he makes you.

When he asks you to sleep with him, look disgusted and say "never again" like you mean it.

Throw the socks he left in your room out the window or, better yet, dangled them on his door knob to remind him that he's not getting laid and that you'd rather not see his dumb face right now.

Think of him with other girls as therapy and practice your most disinterested face so if he does get with anyone else he'll think you don't care.

Don't talk about him. Every time you say his name, he's winning. You know how much he hate to lose. Imagine the look on his face and laugh.

Purposefully fuck up drinking games to piss him off. Don't get with other guys in front of him to make him jealous because you know he won't bite. Wait until someone great comes along and say "I've never liked anyone like this, I haven't felt anything for anyone in such a long tine" and don't wait for him to react.

Pretend he doesn't exist. Go days without thinking about him. Stop going around with false errands just to see him. Stop noticing that he comes out of his room whenever you're round.

Think "he's fucking with my emotions and he's not worth my time, I can do so much better" and believe it

Give yourself the talk you give other girls, treat yourself as well as them and listen to what they say to you unless it's "I think he actually likes you" to which you should reply "bullshit".

Don't hunt or flirt or chirps. Surprise him by not biting when he does. Nonchalance is the key - he'll stop if you don't react.

Don't let him know he hurt you unless you follow it up with "so you're a dick and you can fuck right off".

Take care of yourself and don't let him hurt you ever again.

\Anastasia/

Would you remember me?

You don't have to but if by chance, Would you remember me? I wasn't talented but I made you laugh for a little while. If you were hurt from our love, And there were no good memories, Would you remember them at least just once? Would you remember me if you meet someone like me? Would you remember me if you hear the song that we used to listen to? Would you remember me if you meet someone with the same name as me? You don't have to but please remember me at least just once.

How are you lately? I ask about you, I wonder if you could hear me. If you forgot me already, could you remember me again? If you were happy for just one moment and I was the reason for that, Will you remember me at least just once? You don't have to but please remember me at least just once. I'm different, I remember you without meeting someone like you. I remember you whatever you do somewhere, I remember you without meeting someone with the same name as you. I remember you while I breath. I Do

My Declaration of Self Esteem

You can't touch it, but it affects how you feel. You can't see it, but its there when you look at yourself in the mirror. You cant hear it, but its there every time you talk about yourself. What is this important but mysterious thing? It's your self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. There are two types of self esteem. There is high self esteem which is when you feel good about yourself, and then there is low self esteem which is when you feel bad about yourself. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends ti slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self and confidence to make even the smallest decisions. We think little of ourselves, and feel we are not worth a penny and do not deserve to be happy. High self esteem is good nost of the tim, but some people have too high self esteems and they could come on strong. People may call refer to these type as "cocky" or "annoying". But since low self esteem is still worse than the higher one, lets see what solutions there are to fixing it.

I am me. In all the world, therr is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no ine adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of ne is authentically mine because I chose it. I own everything about me: my body, including everything it does; my kind, including all its thoughts and ideas; ny eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be: anger,joy, frustration, love disappointment, excitement; my mouth and all the words that come out of it: polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft, and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all of my triumphs and successes, all of my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimatrly acquainted with nr. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with me. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solution of the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a givrn moment in time is mine. This id authentic and represents where I am at that moment in tine: When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfit. I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting and invert something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear,feel,thinj, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me and therefore. I can engineer me. I am me and I am okay.

MORE! 100 Facts about me.

1. I fall for fictional characters way too hard
2. I hate attention seekers, especially who throw themselves at men and try to be funny. Girl you ain't gonna get him. 
3. I slayed my sleeping habit
4. I'm a shitty blogger hehe XD
5. I cursed a lot but it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. It helps me release some of the negative emotions I have inside.
6. I HATE CLOWNS!
7. I'm obsessed to Guinea Pigs
8. I'm a Common Band Girl
9. If you have a good taste in music we can date :D lol
10. I hate going to the beach, well I used to love it but now i don't like it.
11. But i love looking at the pictures of some oceans but if i'm standing in front of the ocean and looking at it for real. I can feel myself drowning.
12. When I start crying, I only stop when I fall asleep
13. I always get really upset when i'm ignored by others
14. I listen to my favorite bands album every single day.
15. I don't like people who hate my favorite band/artist
16. I'm really unhealthy I can't even walk up the stairs without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack
17. Too much goosebumps makes me teary eyed.
18. I hate people who take advantage of my hospitality and only talk to me when they have issues.
19. I want to be in Croatia
20. I LOVE ALL TIME LOW! They give me heart attack every time i'm listening to their songs.
21. I used to do well at school but about a year ago I stopped caring about it and now I'm falling every class.
22. I'd sell everything to meet every band i like
23. I always give people a chance no matter how they look because I don't judge books by it's cover
24. I used to hate pizza's here in Italy but today I can't leave without eating it every single day.
25. I cant even order my own food at restaurants because I'm too scared of being judged
26. For me, when you have a person that always make you laugh is the best thing in the world
27. I want to donate my hair to a cancer patient but my hair sucks.
28. My idols are the main reasons on why I'm still living, if you talk about them wrongly I will hate you forever.
29. I'm still in love to my first high school love.
30. I love my 4 best friends from the bottom of my heart.
31. I'm very compulsive like when i hold a knife i have this weird urge to stab the person next to me or myself.
32. I have a guitar but i don't know how to play it. I suck
33. I almost died when I'm a 6th grade while i'm on our camping and we're having a swimming with all the campers. I was been push by some campers and I was drown and almost died if one campers didn't pull my hand.
34. I really don't like shopping
35. I can obsessed with someone I just met and that I barely know
36. I get turned on whenever I see men who look serious and intimidating
37. If you text me without smileys or emoji I will consider you a robot
38. I support Gays. they make  a lot of people happy including me.
39. I don't think i'm good in  any subjects in school because i'm not smart aha..!
40. My phone gallery consist of 99% my idols pictures and 1% ugly selfies
41. I never realized how unhappy I was until experienced real happiness.
42. I don't really like too much expensive things
43. I act like a boy sometimes
44. I think being old-fashioned is okay because I'm old fashioned 10000%
45. Water is my favorite drink. Aha! Yeah I'm so cheap.
46. I drink water like I'm about to be stranded in the dessert.
47. Nicholas Sparks and John Green are my favorite author
48. Someone used to call me Fun Size. I still laugh when I remember that.
49. I only want to be famous to meet my favorite bands and artist.
50. My favorite animated movies are: Frozen, Wreck It Ralph, Peter Pan, Cinderella and Tangled.
51. I used to have a imaginary child friend. His name is Kian, he had ginger orange hair and he plays guitar and sing me a songs every night before i go to sleep. Then he disappeared and I cried, I miss him :( 
52. Looks don't matter to me, a beautiful inside is the only thing that's important.
53. I have a new celebrity crush, Ladies and Gentlemen his name is Ansel Elgort
54. I'm that quiet girl in our class planning how to kill those fake bitches. hahaha
55. Taylor Caniff is my new bae. He is perfect in his bandanas
56. Sometimes I pretend I have a friend
57. the perfect kind of date is going to concert together, eat pizza, watch movie and just cuddle.
58. The Fault In Our Stars is my new fave book and I can't wait to cry when the movie comes out.
59. I don't wear earrings. I just find them uncomfortable and I fiddle with them!
60. I don't like Barbie's. I'm little scared to them and I find them too much girly lol *weird* ikr
61. I want to live in van and go roadtripping with some of my friends.
62. I name everything I own. :D
63. Despite my fear of the ocean, I want to learn how to surf
64. If I could turn my life into any story I would choose Peter Pan. I always wanted to be wendy and go off with Peter to Neverland. I would've stayed.
65. I really like vintage things
66. Until now I'm still confused whats the right spelling of the "COLOR or COLOUR"
67. I'm having a hard time letting go my past, i'm still holding on it. Sometimes i wish i could go back and relive to it.
68. I really like Oreos
69. I prefer werewolves more than vampires
70. I don't like twilight even though my bae Taylor Lautner is part of the movie.
71. my screen name is: Surname - Blogger First Name - Shitty. Hi I'm Shitty Blogger
72. I really don't like new born cats
73. I like 2am conversation :)
74. I prefer cuddling over kissing any day.
75. I'm extremely ticklish.
76. I'm hella chill but if you get on my bad side i'll be the first to pop off
77. I find it so attractive when boys wear bandana and had a lip piercing XD
78. One of my biggest fear is getting played while being loyal.
79. I am going to get a guinea pigs this 2014 summer
80. If i will be going to get 2 i will named them "Cake" & "Mashton" (a little update, i didnt name them to that)
81. Sometimes I pretend I'm such a cool kid but I suck.
82. I hate NEEDLE/INJECTIONS.
83. When I'm a first year high school, I was been hospitalized because of kidney failure and can't breath well.
84. first time being hospitalized. They injected or insert the dextrose in my right and left hand 16 times.
85. I'm really allergic to perfume. I can't breath when I can smell a perfume and sometimes I want to puke.
86. Drake is my favorite Rapper
87. If you gave me a mash potato, i will love you forever.
88. Someone used to call me Princess Topak (Topak means Crazy) lol
89. I hate spending money to much.
90. I can drink 150cl bottle water the whole day.
91. I'm really confused sometimes because if i look in my mirror i look fine but when i look at others mirror for example at the public mirror i look like i didn't sleep for 10 days.
92. I really hate riding at the train but I have too.
93. Relationship Goal: Austin Butler & Vanessa Hudgens
94. I ship. Harrison Webb & jennxpenn
95. I panic attack the first time i'm at the plane on our way here in Italy
96. I am very easily distracted
97. I really like Hunter Hayes, Ed Sheeran and Ron Pope
98. I want to go every Disney in the world mostly in Disney at Orlando and Paris
99. Blogging helped me with my anxiety
100. When I'm still in the Philippines I used to wake up every 2am. I don't know why but its like already a habit of mine to wake up. As the clock strike 2am I open my eyes look at the ceiling then gonna grab my phone exactly 2am. Luckily its often happening to me now.

OKAY. To be honest there is already 200

facts about me that I share on my blog ha!

I really just want you to know me more,

and only some people know about this to me.

So yeah! You're Welcome x

You say let's call it friendship

Therapy - All Time Low

There's no use of regretting now; There's no use in holding now. Because you were by my side and I got used to you. i didn't know it was love. I can't call out to you again. I won't be able to ever call out you again. I say goodbye but it's not what I really mean. I spare it and leave.

I guess I thought we were only friends. I guess I thought this was only friendship. When I'm missing you like this. When I'm so frustrated like this, I deceive my own heart like a fool. I guess we can't even be friends now, I guess this can't just friendship, because when I'm next to you, when I'm looking at you I already know it's love.

You just say forget it. You just say that this isn't it. You say let's stop this and coldly turn around. You say let's just be friends. You say let's just call it friendship, I can't live without you now even when it's hurt like this, even when I cry you pretend you not know and smile.

Can't you love me. Can't you hold me for even one day, for even one moment.

"I'm not in your heart, I'm in the flowing tears"

The cold winds are blowing
the leaves are falling to the ground
soon the snow will be falling
and my heart will be crying
because you're not around.

Another year is passing,
and still we're apart.
I don't understand, I don't know
But the pain is deep in my soul.
How do I explain this to my heart?

You said you'd be there when I need you
Where the hell ate you now?
In another woman's arms holding her tight?
I  an hardly make it trough the night
without crying your name out loud.

Don't you know that not a day goes by
That you don't cross my mind?
It's hard to believe that you still care
When months go by without a word
I must be blind.

Blinded by a love I feel
for a man who will never be mine.
Tell me how to turn it off,
Show me how to kill this love,
Throw the switch so it will die.

I think I'm slowly losing my mind.
How can I forget you?
You're the one true love I've ever known.
The cold seeps into my bones
and my heart is turning blue

My friends think I'm crazy
for caring so much
That I'd gladly risk everything
To be in your arms once again
To feel the magic of your touch

I know you're not Prince Charming
But yo're the closest thing I've ever seen
I long to feel your lips on mine
And once again my "sun" will shine
I'm sure you know what I mean

Come back to me, my love!
Show me that you still care
Warm my heart and my bed
Clear the for from my head
Prove that you'll always be there