Nostalgia feelings...

Nostalgia: a longing for the past.

Is there such a thing as nostalgic pangs? Well, similar to hunger pangs that is. Hah! Maybe someone, something, somewhere we experience some point in life would give us the feeling of nostalgia. A reminder of a memory either of a person/or people, an event, a feeling yadaaaa..

This term was actually used by soldiers who were suffering from combat fatigue which led to the obsessions of returning home. But after all these years, people have somehow changed the meaning. And now it usually means dwelling on the past.

I feel that the feeling of nostalgia cannot be ignored when it's evoked. And this feeling is usually associated with emotions that are more to the sad side. Probably because certain things in the past we yearn for. Or we wish could happen again.

To me, nostalgia is quite a beautiful feeling... what about you?

The nostalgic feelings I try to understand
Something, some place, someone, some where in time.

Whisked back into the past
Where memory is all that lasts

Wishing you were there once again
Hoping things were still the same

Tears of sadness, maybe of joy
Certain feelings you just can't toy

A moment in time you wish to freeze
Wishing this moment would never cease

There's nothing we can do to stop the time
looking back at memories at its prime

Nostalgic feelings you can't ignore
Nostalgic feelings might make you sore

Nostalgic feelings you sometimes have
Nostalgic feelings and its aftermath...

Living in the past...

Learn to let go!

This post is for all those out there who find it so hard to let go of things that have already been gone for so long. Learn to move on. Because the only thing's holding you back in life is yourself.

Maybe you're feeling frustrated, worried, troubled -so many things. All because of one person or something that have happened. If it's all in the past, why still harbour all these negative feelings in you? Are you happy feeling sad?

Then you question, How to let go? I tried but it's so hard. Well it's really all up to you. No one can help you because it's all within. Why exhaust yourself over thoughts which are no longer valid? Why worry for someone when that person doesn't even cares your existence?

Find all means to let go. If it's a person that has been lingering your mind, someone you're trying hard to forget-delete all mean of contact with that person. Forget him/her. Do whatever you can to erase those un-happy thoughts.

And when you finally learnt to let go, you'll feel lighter-spiritually that is, And you'll feel so much happier. So many things we encounter are all part and parcels of life, growing up and maturing. These things are inevitable and its only up to us how to handle them.

Enjoy life and stay happy.

Another poem; enjoy!

You seem to be everything I wanted in a man
being with you give me butterflies
a feeling I can't seem to comprehend.
Your charisma, your charm
never knew it'd bring harm.
I took time and effort to care for you
springing surprises -though a few.
I knew this gesture would make you smile
but to love me you took a while.

I know you're busy, you don't have time
and so I waited, never did I whine.
But it has reached a point, I can't control
my feelings and emotions I have to let go.
Invisible chances I always gave,
In you I had so much faith.
But this time I'll leave, I'll be gone
when you turn back and look for me
no longer will you still see,
that girl who waited patiently.

Dare to dream the IMPOSSIBLE.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Disney Princess. Then I wanted to be a ballet dancer, then a singer, then a doctor, then an artist, then a cinematographer, then a theater artist, then just a photographer, then a 3D animator, then a fashion designer (but I don’t know how to draw), then a record store owner, with a fashion label, and then finally now all I wanted is to be an writer.

I have real problem with staying in the same place for a long period of time. By “space” I mean head space, really. I constantly need to be creating and trying new ideas…and then I move on. I’ve always been this way ever since I can remember. By the time I finish something, I’m already thing about what else I can do. I struggle with this blog sometimes because my direction changes sometimes I start to think about redoing the whole thing and sometimes I’m writing some lame blogs that think people wouldn’t like it. When people ask me what I do, I have a hard time answering them. “I’m writing a poem, stories and I do blogs” seems to make the most sense to me, but obviously that would seem like boring hobbies to others.

This year I’m focusing on studying trying to pass my tourism course and writing some poem and stories then share it on my blog. I've creating a life that I want. Everyone deserves that for themselves, don’t they? Every time I can feel myself giving up already I’m just thinking about my dream and whispering to myself “I can do it, Stay Strong.” To be honest being strong sometimes is so hard too especially when you’re holding that word (Stay Strong) for a very long time already.

Writing is not my first love, but I fell in love to it when I'm lonely, the times no one was there to save me from my loneliness and when no one is there to give me some advice in my problems. I remember one day, I just grab a one pencil and a scratch paper and i just started writing with my thoughts about getting my first heartbreak, after that I continue making it and became one of my hobby until now.

It's just a hobby! But I want it to be my lifestyle hobby now. I want to study how to be a professional writer and maybe SOMEDAY I'll be working at a Magazine Company in New York (dare to dream).

To achieve that dream, I will first going to finish my course Tourism (I'm going to stick with that, even it's not really what i want) and when I've already got a job and earn enough money, I will move in New York City (or anywhere else in part of America) then study there and have a proper job.

It's like an impossible dream for me and for the other people but I will make that impossible dream to be possible. One day people will see me living my dream already because of the work hard.

If you can dream it, You can do it - Walt Disney

.....and you, what's your dream? (:

Fantasy in a fairytale...

Not About Angels by Birdy

A part of me wants to kill the you
that I once knew so I don't have to
deal with all this pain anymore,
Why do you get to run away and live
life, and why do I get stuck with all
this reoccurring guilt dragging me down.
I tried contacting you two months back
but you never answered...
You said that we would still be friends,
and you said you'd always be there for
me at my lowest moments, You said
that you loved me, and that you would
never hurt me; what happened?
Did I do something wrong? Did i stop
interesting you like a brand new  toy
to a three year old? What happened
to the passionate stories of our future?
Did this drift away like the man I used
to know?

I sat in a crowded room with joyous
people. It was meant to lift my spirits
but it did not work, I sat there wondering
how long it takes for a human to die if
they are exposed to acid, and when you
hang yourself do you still struggle.
And through all this suicidal thoughts
and existential crisis that I was having,
I still thought back to you. No matter
how sad I was, you could make me
smile and fell like a queen when no
one else could. And how you promised
you'd be there for me! And the nights,
I spent praying to some higher
authority that you would come back
But you NEVER did...
To this day, I don't know if it's the
pain of nostalgia, or if I miss the
lies you fed me. Either way, you
broke me down and convinced
me that love is nothing but a
fantasy in a fairytale...


- When you remember your heartbreak and words just keep spilling in your mind all you need to do is grab a piece of paper and a pen then just simply write all the words. </3

There was once....

It's holiday. NO CLASS yep. While everyone was having a super fun day at the beach, party or whatever I'm here sitting in front of my laptop and blogging, just my normal life :) and Hey it's the first day of MAY - new month. ENJOY!

There was once a very bright child. A child that would outshine the sun with it’s smile. When the child would go out, the flowers would start blooming and the butterflies would fly like they are being guided by a distant melody that was playing without any cracks. It was as clear as the blue color of the child’s eyes. The deep ocean of secrets was so mysterious and no one knew what’s so special about that child, but, something just was. Something about that child made you like the day you’re living at the moment even if it was one of the worst you’ve ever had. You liked it a bit more if you saw the child. It was, literally, magical.

The weather got uglier. No one out shined the sun with their smile on the streets. No one liked one of the worst days of their life anymore. The child wasn’t there. It was somewhere else. No one knew  where the child besides me. 

Who am I? You’ll find out.

The child was surrounded by such a bright color. White. Everything was white. The child was laying in a bed, covered with white sheets that looked like a cloud covering the child’s body. The pale face at the top of the bed didn’t show it’s deep blue ocean of secrets. They were closed. You could see every single vein on it’s face, that’s how pale the child was.  

In the room came a woman. You could see she was exhausted on her face. Her dried skin and the bags under her eyes made her look older than she actually was. Her eyes were so big and wide that the moon was just a tiny spot compared to them. They were filled with tears. She just stood there, beside the bed and let the tears wash her dry face. She just let them pour above her child’s head. 

I, known as a cruel thing, was devastated. I actually hated this job. But I had to do it. People know me as a heartless and cold thing, but this actually isn’t true. I have feelings also, but a job is a job. 

Someone above me gave me this order and I can’t say no. I came beside the bed and watched the mother looking at it’s child and she smiled a little. She probably remembered something nice.

It was time.

I touched the child’s heart. Suddenly, warmth filled my cold soul and body. I could hear the laughs of the kids that just left school. I could hear birds chirping and a river making joyful noises. I was filled with happiness, which was really weird to me because that never happened to me. I just left my hand touch it’s heart because it made me feel like a better person. 

"Do it!", the master whispered.

"I am your most faithful servant.", whispered I, the Death, and stopped the heartbeat of the child. 

The cold filled my body again, I didn’t feel a difference between the weather outside and the weather inside of me. 

I can just remember the sound of the doctors rushing to the room and trying to save the child and the image of a woman letting her last tear shed on her dry face.

The deep blue ocean of secrets shut forever and the sun never got out shined by a child’s smile ever again.