Mental Illness

To everyone who says that "mental illness aren't that serious and you shouldn't miss school, because you're probably making it up anyways"

Have you ever sat in your room shaking and staring with blurred vision at the textbooks that lie on your bed?

Have you ever felt yourself gasping for air when your math teacher tells you to answer a question on the board?

Have you ever etched words of your English assignment on your skin instead of paper?

Have you ever thought about ending it all because you have three overdue assignments plus two from tonight?

Tell the woman sitting on the brown leather couch that holds a pen in hand and has watched me pull on my hair when I begin to talk about school, how much more important English class is.

Tell the paramedics that are on a first name basis with me.

Tell my teacher who are now trained to keep an eye on one of my classmates because they're afraid he might stab himself in neck with pencil if they give her too much homework.

I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me I'm faking it.

Pull up my sleeves and look at my mutilated skin and tell me I'm only doing it for attention, even though the only people who know I do this is myself are my best friend and the doctor who had to stitch up my wrists.

Tell me.

No, you know what?

Tell your sister to stop bleeding because she's getting blood all over her history report.

Tell your cousin, that a C isn't a reason to act like a fish out if water.

Tell your best friend as she they pull her out of school in a gurney to that she should get over it, and as the ambulance starts driving to the hospital don't forget to remind her to study for her biology final.

I dare you to watch me during school, pull up my sleeves, look me in the eye and tell me that school is more important than my sanity.

Worst thing to say to a person with a Mental Illness - "We Create Our Own Reality"

We create our own reality. This is one of my most hated sentences in the English language. This sentences screams of the middle-class-real-problemless-spoiled-rich-person. Yes, undoubtedly people who have home and families and health and happiness can make their own reality. They can fix the issues they have like leaky pipes, and not to be upset when the paperboy misses their front porch. I have no doubt this is possible.

But give me a fucking break.

People Do Not Create Their Own Reality.

People born into generations of poverty, not so much creating their own reality. People born with fetal alcohol syndrome, not so much creating their reality. People dying of starvation, not so much creating their own reality.

And sick people, not really capable of creating their own reality.

This is the Worst Thing to Say to Someone Sick

People with cancer, people with seizures, people with no legs, people with a mental illness - these people don't get to pick - pr create - their realities.

Okay, so you're saying to me, "but you can always change how you look at life."

See, again, I'm going to have to say, give me a fucking break.

There is Only So Great a Life in Pain Can Look

Change how you look at your life? Um. Sort of. Cancer person still dies, person with seizures still has seizures, paraplegics still have no legs, and people with a mental illness still have a sick brain. We're still fucked. We're still in pain. There is no pleasant spin you can put on wanting to kill yourself all day.

And in closing, I would just like to say, I dare anyone tell a starving child in Africa that they are making their own reality and they would change it if they wanted too. I fucking dare you. Because that's what you're telling me every time you say my brain isn't sick. And I can tell you, it's the worst damn thing to say.

Best Friend Doesn't Mean Forever

When I first met him I wasn't overly impressed. I had walked into a restaurant to dine with friends, and sitting at the table that greeted me is Him. I didn't notice his rugged good looks. I didn't pause to gaze down upon his broad shoulders, and thick chest. I hardly noticed the caramel color of his eyes.

What I saw was a broken tooth. A very tiny short broken upper lateral tooth. Nice tooth, I remember thinking. Who could have know that tiny significant flaw was what made me take notice and start paying attention.

From his head to his toe, his butt to his nose. He is one good looking member of the male persuasion. He's the kind of man that stands out in a crowd. Blessed with height and an athletic build, most of the female give him nine or better on the hottie scale.

To judge him solely on appearances would satisfy the most cynical of beauty critics. But his looks don't scratch the surface of his many layers. He cab make you wonder about lies beneath the exterior. Is he intelligent, funny or loyal? All I know is he is really a brainy guy the kind of guy who can get straight A without reviewing, and his quiet funny but he's more sarcastic and such a bully guy. Loyal, uhm I don't know. Are the distinct crinkles and laugh lines around his eyes from laughing or glaring? Why do the teeth that behind pale pink lips appear so warn and stained? Was this based on a lazy hygiene routine, or merely the accidental blemishes of a careless youth?

Tanned and toned, one might wonder if he spent his days working out in the gym and later lying in a tanned bed. More careful observation would reveal the tab to be uneven and freckled by many hours in the scorching sunlight. The scars and calluses on his hands, face, and shoulders and a strong back, place him as a man born and bred to labor.

His caramel eyes and deep brown hair give him an instantly intimidating look. Although his eyes usually gleam soft and bright with a tender gaze, they can harden into dark pools of glaring black pigments when he is upset or distrusting. His short shaved hair musters up no connection with frills or fussiness.

The only implication of meticulous grooming, lies in a dark brown goatee that received trimming, "pre-special-occasions." The goatee gracefully lies in a taught, angled jaw line. Very defined and strong, his features are classic and masculine, complemented by his straight nose.

Throughout my years of knowing him, I can still look at him and admire the swift grace in his movements. Quick eyes, quick hands, with an even quicker wit, he never ceases to amaze me. Possessing the grace of the Gazelle, he can charge into any situation with the thundering power of an elephant.

Clever by design, no task, mechanical or intellectual delays him for long. He has the power to adapt and overcome. I've relied on him during out relationship together more times than I count. Something always pops up. When I can't remedy the alone, I am comforted knowing I have him ever ready assistance.

I've ventured out, trying to describe the man I admire so much. With hope, you can see this man as I do through the power of my words. Seeing, as only I can, the special individuality that captures my heart whenever hers around. I am truly blessed to have someone I respect so dutifully in my life. Not only him as my best friend but he is like a brother to me. I believe that his character make-up will continue to produce the wonderful friend and loving best friend, for all our lives.

Forgettable - November 22,2012

He called me...forgettable

It was a slip of the tongue

A mistake I could see on his face

It shattered me instantly

My face contorted with a kind a pain only your best friend's words can unveil

Forgettable, easily forgotten

"I didn't mean that" he said

He did though and we both knew it

Truth has that way of hitting you, punching you in the gut

You never do anything rash was his expectation

To stand out, to be noticed

It's not your fault he whispered, its just the way you are

And I knew exactly what he was saying

I was one of the many

His eyes told me he was sorry the words had spill from his mouth

Laughing was my only way out

That's me I said with a wide smile and wink

That's exactly who I am 

I think one of the worst feelings is when you sadly come to the realization that you're slowly drifting apart with one of your closet friend and you're dying of the huge truth that's hit you right across your face that's waken you up and acknowledge you're losing that friend you always thought would always be your friend for as long as possible.

And it wounds you, it eats you, it haunts you to know your friendship is in jeopardy and sadly you know you can't do anything to stop falling apart when you see that this friend isn't putting the effort to reattach back the friendship as it was before, so it can live on and create more beautiful moments that you both can cherish in heart and in mind all over again.

It sucks, it hurts because really, how can you let go of someone you've grown so attach to that you're afraid of change without them there in your life?

I know things happen for a reason, but let go if that friend isn't cooperating like you are to bring back the friendship. The way I see it is, if you're putting all your mind and soul to someone who doesn't even notice it or gives back the same vibe, walk away. You're losing someone important in your life but you always gain something better in return..

Dreams

I'm not talking about aspirations or hopes here. Its more about those vivid images you get when you're sleeping or when you're in a daze.

How dreams and our brains work is a whole new issue so let's not get into it. Most of the time, we can't control our dreams. There are other times when we can and that's called lucid dreams-whereby dreamers know that they are dreaming and are capale of changing their dream environment and controlling certain aspects of the dream. How's that possible, don't ask me! Well, maybe when we day dream, the situations we can control? Hmmm....

Have you ever had times when you felt as through your dream was so real only wake up getting disappointed? I certainly dislike that feeling. But I guess there are also times when you wake up and felt so relieved that whatever that happened was only a dream. Like I ever said, everything has two sides to it. Dreams included.

Dreams are said to be signs and can be interpreted but I don't really believe in that. Dreams are just dreams and most of the time, they never occur in reality. I guess the reason why people like to sleep and dream is because only fairytales happen there. Once you wake up, sorry honey, its back to reality!

Dreams, some good and some bad
Millions of it we've definitely had

Floating on clouds, so surreal
Wake up; its everything but a fairytale

Sometimes we wished it last forever
Sometimes to happen, we wished it never

When we sleep, our minds supposed to be at rest
But instead its forever put to the test

I rather have a dream-less sleep
Then to awake, seeing myself weep

In the comfort of our feathered pillows
We drift to a place where the suns not yellow

Cos anything can happen in dreams
Unbelievable as it seems

Tauted by the non-existent ghost
Jerking you awake at most
with sweat trickling down our face
The fast breathing we have to pace

Suddenly we're watching the sunset
With that someone we wished we had
Dark clouds start to hijack the ambience
Then you're suddenly all alone

For a moment you thought you had it all
But just a seconds and you start to fall
Handicapped with fears, you start to tear
And all the visions are blur

When you awake you start to think
Happiness gone in a blink

Then you realized its just a dream
Something that was always better then it seemed

Building castles in the sky.....

Maybe It Left You Stronger

Have you ever had a time when you met someone from your past? Someone whom you always wished you would see but hardly did and when you least expect it, theyre-appear again in your life? At that moment, you just freeze not knowing what to do. You feel lost, just losing it all. And that person is looking all normal, like nothing has ever happened. You feel so weak but you know deep in your heart, never will you let yourself go back to last; the past which you have always wanted to erase.

You thought they left, that they were gone,
And then they suddenly appear after so long.
You feel paralyzed don't know what to do
Standing there speechless worse than a fool.

Weakness gets to you but you stand strong
History is where they should belong
You start to ponder and wonder why
Why they still come back when they meant goodbye

Their presence so obvious, you just can't avoid
This person who once had your heart spoilt
You appear normal, cheerful as ever
But in your heart, never so miserable

You want to scream, you want to shout
This persons feelings you no longer doubt
Its all over and you've had enough
You just got to show them that you're tough

They act so normal like nothing is wrong
Leaving you and coming back after so long
Why can't they see, why can't they tell
It was because of them, our world once fell.

No more chances they will get
All the memories you wish to forget
So what if again you'll meet
Now you know your hearts strong enough to defeat

Walking forward, Turning back,

Making Mistake

Ever made a mistake and feel like shit? I believe everyone has. Well, mistakes are unintentional errors that we should learn from. I don't see the point in dwelling in a past mistake. It has already past so one should just move on. Learn a lesson and don't ever repeat it. Period.

But some things I just don't understand. How can people repeat mistakes? Since they already know its wrong, why do they do it again? Why can't one learn from their mistakes?

When one party tells the other "it was such a big mistake marrying you", is the word "mistake" even valid in that sentence? Since mistake are unintentional, does it mean that the marriage to was unintentional? Hmm..

Mistake occur in so many aspects of our life from our work to our relationships and so many other things. One can never avoid making mistakes there's no one so perfect. Let's start being conscious of our mistakes and learn from them... Shall we?

Mistakes; you and I have made few
Besides learning from them, what can we do?

Is there a need to dwell on something that can't be changed?
Sometimes our thoughts and actions, we need to arrange.

Sorry once, sorry twice
How many more times? Need a dice?

Why can't one learn? Why can't they see?
Do they enjoy repeating history?

Learn from your mistake then toss it away
Let's learn to be mindful, starting today.

Making mistake,

Summer Vacation

Summer vacation is probably the happiest period in a student’s life. Everyone waits for summer vacation to enjoy going out for its warm weather because it’s the perfect opportunity to do outdoor activities. During summer you’re free to do whatever you want, not worrying about curfew or waking up early for school.  As a teenager, summertime fun in the sun began with the ringing of the last bell of the day. It means that it was time to throw away old home work assignments and to forget about anything to do with school for two months at least. Summer time is a time of simple pleasures and exciting times of the year. Two months of late night sleepovers with friends, hanging out at the malls, and not having to worry about homework. When summer vacation finally rolls around, I can never make up my mind on what to do first. Shall it be riding bikes to the park with friends or hanging out at the mall? One thing was for certain though, the family vacation.

This time we decided to spent our summer in Milan with family relatives who lived there. Milan, which for ten months is ugly, hectic, foggy, noisy, crowded, impersonal, wet, chaotic... surprised me to the point that I now wanted to visit it again next summer. The mass escape and closure usually takes place in August, so in July there is plenty to enjoy with concerts, events and fabulous places to eat. Our favorite one is Arrow's, one of the finest fish restaurants in Milan. The high quality of the products and the perfect mastery of the chefs will always present on your plates little masterpieces of taste.

In June and July, the music entertainment opportunities are endless thanks to the Milano City Sound Festival. In the first week of July at the Piccolo Teatro, the Milano Flamenco Festival takes place.

August, my favorite time in the city. Everything is closed, everybody is away, the heat is sometimes unbearable and to find a good restaurant is a challenge... why do I love all of this? Because it is the only time of year that you can feel Milan is really yours! The streets, usually packed with cars, are empty and you can reach every destination in less than twenty minutes if you have a car, but also a tour by tram, an icon of the city, is a pleasure and not a pain as it is in winter. Around you people are relaxed and smiling, happy to give you any sort of information you need and maybe indulging in a little chat. In the end you both share a secret about Milan, and this makes you members of the same brotherhood.

A relaxing walk in the Sempione Park is an opportunity to mix with the locals, who use this beautiful park as a family garden, and to enjoy a slice of fresh watermelon. Or you can visit the Garden of the Righteous in the Monte Stella, an artificial hill built with the rubble of World War II. I love walking from Castello Sforzesco to the Cathedral, passing through the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II and there, in the middle of the gallery, do my lucky spin with my right foot on the genitals of the bull mosaic portrait. I don't know if it works but it is a fun tradition! The historic centre is always open and without the frenetic mob you can visit every single shop, browsing for bargains – there is always something left from the big July sales – and at the same time refresh yourself thanks to the stores' air conditioning. I prefer the natural coolness of the Cathedral where I spend hours enjoying myself with the magical stained glass. If you are brave enough, you can climb to the top of the Cathedral and from the roof have an amazing view of the city and, on a clear day, of the Alps. After a day like this we usually reward ourselves with ice-cream at Il Massimo del Gelato, where you can choose between eight different kinds of chocolate ice-cream or try the fantastic granita. It's the only ice-cream shop you have to queue to enter, even at 10 pm, but it's totally worth the wait.

As it is with every summer, there seems never to be enough time to enjoy all the simple things in life. I can still remember the excitement and enthusiasm I shared with my family, especially with my brothers. It was, I think, one of the best summers I had experienced. For me, spending the summer with the entire kin and friends is as greatly fun as it could be.