In love to a girl!

is it a crime to fall in love to girl? It's my first time ever to fall in love to a girl and i don't know if I'm already a lesbian or just bisexual, but i fall in love to both boys and girls so it means I'm just bisexual. At first i think its just normal feeling like i just like her because she is beautiful and it feel like I'm just jealous to her, she is my classmate, she's sweet and she have the best smile ever.

A few weeks ago i feel like i already feel like my love crush on her is turning up, i secretly look at her ever single moment, when she smile at me my heart is like about to jump on my chest, can you believe it that she put her hand in my shoulder on time i almost turn to tomatoes on that day i can't stop smiling i feel but she also blow me some kisses 3 times already i fall in love to her deeper and deeper everyday. Is it okay? Is it weird to find her when she is not in the room? or when she is absent? and wondering why? then can't wait till the day to be over and wake up again go to school and find her? I always wanted to look at her when it's our break time. But seriously i get really jealous when other girls hold her hand or sit beside her, i don't know i just get really jealous and i cant understand it! Her sneeze and laugh I'm so addicted to it, I will never get tired listening to her sneeze or laugh is that sound weird? ha ha yeah. She make me happy everyday but she don't know it and its okay, brightens my day with just one glance, the sad thing is we never talk....

I'm just so in love in everything she do but the thing is I'm in love to a boy too but i am more and deeply in love to her. Your confused well don't ya worry ME too i am so confused to my feelings! but all i know i really like her and nothing more maybe I'll just enjoy myself falling in love to her more and more until my heart give up and realize we can't be together because she don't like girls to be her girlfriend? Yes or maybe no!

FALLIN' FOR YOU "i am trying not to tell you But i want to, I'm scared of what you'll say, So I'm hiding what I'm feeling But I'm tired of holding this inside my head...I've been spendin' all my time just thinkin' bout ya, I know what to do, i think I'm fallin' for you"

best friend for a years!

i never blog for a week i think so this night i decided to write a blog about my another bestfriend, My bestfriend since i was at 6th grade and until now. So lets start it when we met (:

JOSANA (:

Sooo we met when we were both elementary we go in the same school, I already known her since she enter to my school but we dont talk really much i remember her long shinny straight hair and cute innocent face, we became closer to each other when she turned 5th grade and i was a 6th grade student because we already had the same room. I don't remember how we really became best friends, i just wake up one day we are already best friends, I trust her since then she was not just that ordinary friend for me, we dont really hang out much and we just talk when we we're at school her parents kinda strict i think, Who remembers sending letters to thier friends? yeah we do that and i miss it, we send each other letters and believe it or not i still have thoes letters at home in philippines, We send letters until when i was first. But as time goes we lost a connection a bit i dont know why but then i just got a news she was already at Las Vegas with her family for good, well she mentioned it in her letters but im not that so aware that they will already going to Vegas. Thank You to facebook at that time i made my account and i hurry up and search her name on it and luckily she have an account also and we continued talking there. It's kind of hard because we dont talk that much because if the time zone but still happy. We shared everything about ourself's to each other, our little secrets, boy crushes, lovelife, gossips and fun things. As the time goes even though we dont talk that much and sometimes we snob each other "maybe" we still remain us bestfriends and thats why i loved her. I trust her so much if there was someone i can trust with my secrets and problems she was that one person, I was just so lucky i met her because she was amazing. I love how she is honest with everything, giving her best advice to me and always being there for me from any struggles i have. She was my savior, she always saved me from drowning and when i feel so lonely. She is one of the loveliest girl i ever seen. I dont know what to do in my life when she was not on my side to guide me. We've been best friends for 5 years and being her as my best friend was the best thing. I cant explain enough how important she is for me. They say that true friendship is rare an adage that I believe to be true, Genuine friendship is something that I cherish. We've been through so much together, In so little time we've shared a lot of happy moments and i will never forget those memories that you've shown me how much she cared to me (: I love her fun filled personality, somehow she never fail to impress me. I love everything about her. She is someone I could never replace. When my spirits need a little lift I cannot thank her enough for that She is truly an extraordinary gift to my life. She are everything to me and more, I could never express that enough. Life is such a treacherous journey and without her it would be even more tough. Our story will continue to grow with each passing day because I trust that with her by my side everything will always be Okay. She know I will love her until the end I will always be here for her and She will always (and forever) be my best friend. (:

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down." - Oprah Winfrey

We promised to always be, Best friends forever...

WINTER SWEATER

Winter my favorite season people call me really weird for liking the season of cold and being frozen when you go out but for me winter is my love :)

i grown up in a tropical country called Philippines, it was always hot like really hot, you will your sweat already when you step out of your house that's why I don't go out as much, but sometimes wheater in philippines get crazy also and on december it's kind of a little cold. I wear sweaters all the time and i don't even don't care what people already saying about my sweaters in a hot afternoon i know thats weird but sweaters are my bestfriend. One of my wish is to moved in a coldy country and that place is Alaska, Yes it is. Well it didn't happen but a little perfectness of my wish we moved in Rome Italy, Italy was already perfect on my wish because it has a cold weather except their is NO snow in the place where i live that's quite sadly but it's okay. We moved in Italy for good we've been here since 26th of november 2012. Adjusting was hard but when it comes to their weather im so okay with it, I remember when i take a bath and go out with a wet hair and i get sick, thats what you get when you are so excited to feel the freezing wind haha and also i remembered when we go out and be a tourist for the first time and i'm really so excited on that day believe me or not that day I wear a one jacket iside and another jacket the think one and all i know i can already feel warm on those but the fact that on that day i was wearing also a black floral doll shoes. how crazy i am? i know right. At first i can't feel how cold it is, we ride to a bus and been stuck in a traffic because of people who block the road protesting their rights so we decided to go out of the bus and just run over to my mom's place at her work and change, it was raining so badly and i am seriously freezing already while we are running because we are rushing, i an feel my body was shaking and it feel like been covered with ice already and my feet is so painful because of the cold rain and wind and that was crazy for me.

Why i love winter? simply because when winter comes all you need is be in your comfy pajama's, hot chocolate and cereals in the morning or even at the evening, laying in your bed with your soft warm blankets listening to some breath-taking song's and let yourself fall sleep. And i find peace walking in a cold weather by myself, i know i'm not just the only one loving that winter feelings isn't it?

Why i love sweater? it was because sweater keep me warm and i feel like i'm safe from getting some insult from other people, the scars in my wrist and my fats. I'm still working on some of my scars that was still really visible i was applying some scar remover to it and my fats i don't know if i can still work on it because i can't do some exercise, but don't call me lazy on it it's just because i get tired eventually because of my heart. But thanks to my sweaters for helping me to hide something i hate to my body.

Everybody have a favorite season and have a reason why? and some people also love winter the way i do :)

CHRISTMAS HOLIDAY

Christmas Tree

Christmas is an annual commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ and a widely observed cultural holiday, celebrated generally on December 25 by millions of people around the world. This was the time when we say thank you to Jesus for everything He have done to all of us, for the blessings, hope and some new things He prepared especially for us. Christmas was also having a reunion with your family, cousins and relative. This was also the season when we have to share some of our blessings to our people by helping them even just in a simple way, making them happy. In Christmas holiday the smile on the faces of the people was the best because a one smile of a stranger can make someone smile too. The cold weather, jackets, warm blankets, hot chocolate and a Christmas movies was definitely one of the amazing things in Christmas. Popular modern customs of the holiday include gift giving, Christmas music and caroling, an exchange of Christmas cards, church celebrations, a special meal, and the display of various Christmas decorations, including Christmas trees, Christmas lights, nativity, scenes, garlands, wreaths, mistletoe, and holly. In addition, several closely related and often interchangeable figures, known as Santa Claus, Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas, and Christkind, are associated with bringing gifts to children during the Christmas season and have their own body of traditions and lore.

Christmas is a wonderful time of the season. Every year my mom and my dad have a Christmas dinner at the evening. The house is always beautiful when the holiday approaches. The Christmas tree is beautiful as the one downtown. Their fresh grassy color makes everyone stop and stare at its beauty. The lights are all around the wall. Over the windows, on the trees, it makes the house the bright as the stars. My bedroom is always my favorite place when it’s Christmas holiday, my sister always help me to decorate it with simple but beautiful and my table cloth is a creamy vanilla color with a bright Christmas tree in the middle. My dad always does the good, delicious foods with my aunt’s help. There are mashed potatoes, salad, gravy, pasta, ham, pizza and the most important, roasted brown chicken. For desert it's either apple, pumpkin, banana pie with whipped cream on top, cupcakes and ginger bread, Ginger bread is my most favorite at all last Christmas I really attempt to bake with my mom and it went well

We also play music like "let it snow" or some kind of Christmas song to let our self be entertain. And when the clock strikes at 12:00 everyone is gathered around the table. First thing we do is pray, and then my dad carves the tasty looking chicken. After that everybody digs in. Everybody seems to be enjoying everything. After we eat those delicious foods we gathered in front of our Christmas tree and we are already going to start our little tradition in Christmas which is exchanging gift to each other and singing a Christmas song for everybody I always sang the song Silent Night and The First Noel it was my favorite Christmas songs of all time. Christmas at my place is very cozy, fun place to me and it will be always my favorite holiday of the year.

Oh dream: NEW YORK

okay so here I am again writing a blog in the middle of the night were everybody was already in dreamland and having some little fun there & I really need to have a last blog before going back to school because it’s going to be back in normal were I'll be home at 2pm walk, take a train and another train and walk again and be home at maybe 3pm and do some difficult homework. Trust me I am not complaining at all (: . take a time to read this.

NEW YORK concrete jungle where dreams are made of

New York the city that never sleep, the city that full of everything and the city where I want to go for a very long time, New York is my number one place I’m going to visit when I already have a money to buy my own ticket but I also wanna pack all my clothes and just live there forever. I just wanna be in that place so bad I dream about it a lot like really a lot. I don’t know why I want to be in New York and I’m always thinking that thing and it came up that I want to be there to escape my life, I feel like new York was the best place to take a break of my unhappy life that’s it but I’m still figuring it out what’s the other reason why I wanna be there. Isn’t it amazing living in that place? I am always saying to myself how lucky those people who live or move there and I wish I was as lucky as them to be in there. Every morning you gonna wake up looking down your apartment and you gonna saw lots of people walking down on street, running and rushing because they are late for their work or at school and a lots of cars I know everyone hates traffic because I do too but sometimes I think it’s also cool because it’s when you see that the city was alive because of those cars. Weird? Yeah.. Can you imagine living in that place? walking at

street way to your school you’re going to meet lots of people faces in streets and just wondering how was their life but it’s more amazing if you walk on a street with a bunch or maybe few best friends and laugh all the way to whatever place your foot going to take you, the yellow cabs, empire state, the liberty and the time square, seriously that was the best thing isn’t it? The Christmas and New Year feeling in new York was amazing, the fancy street lights, Christmas trees & cold weather. (: I’m still holding on to those dreams because I know one day I will be living in my dreams in New York just believe and work hard for it and as long as possible I want to leave this place (Italy) I’m such an idiot for wishing I should be here because I thought it would be exactly like New York but hell no, I just put my life in a hell, this place is beautiful but there’s a lot of things that are so complicated here, the peoples, the language and I’m really having a hard time on that because it’s was just so hard and I don’t know if I can still do it because my brain is so dead because of their language, and other stuffs. Maybe I was drunk when I said I want to move in Italy but sadly No. and I don’t drink. I just need to face this disaster I made in my life because someday I’m going say Goodbye Italy Hello New York. I just can’t wait to say that real soon ;) Hold on a little New York I will be there. I PROMISE..

Christmas street lights

 

Christmas in New York

BOBZ :)

it's 10:13 pm here in Italy and I'm really bored, I was browsing some photos and i accidentally open a one album and that album was full of pictures of me with some of my classmate in my third year high school. We're not that close anymore this days everybody have their own lifes maybe some of them still hang outs together but i just dont know..

[r-l] (Bella, Vanessa, Junalyn, Grace, Arvie, Jasmin, Nicole, Rezalyn, Rica,
Rose Ann, [down] Lyka [back] ____ i forgot her name )

Third year high school a girl friend group called "bobz" was formed i dont know who formed it or who is the main leader or something, all i know is "bobz" was all equal and dont ask me if where did we get the name because i dont know i really dont know haha. If im not mistaken we are all 11. I'm gonna define our friendship together a one rollercoaster we are so tight together, we are always been there for each other, from ups and downs, we give a advice for each other. Our friendship was full of trill, happiness, sadness and a bitterness. We always hang out and make some memories, I can't even count how many times i felt happy when i'm with them, their jokes and their laughs are priceless. We all have different attitude and beliefs in our life but no matter what we stayed together as friends. We stood up for each other and some of our classmate and we shared our secrets to everyone. I think our batch on that year known us because of our fighting spirit and happiness.We judged some other people, yes we do, we're stating our opinions on what we see and laugh it all together, we are not that so bad trust me ;)

It was a crazy year for all of us but a very memorable year of our life. After that year i decided not to go back on that school already for some reason and they're already a fourth year, I decided to split up for some reasons also..and after that all i hear is Bobz already didn't exist but some of them still friends the group just ended. But i was happy even in short time i became their friends because it feels amazing to have them, i learned how to laugh without any doubt what tomorrows bring, and i'm thankful for all the memories and for letting me be part of their third year life :)

our christmas party :)

the day we hang out at Junalyn's house
and we take a picture at the back of their
house.. :) fun times.

at the bus on our way to SM :)

the christmas feeling at mall :)

After our test we go and hang out to Lyka's
house and we watch The Exorcism of Emily Rose..

St. Charles Feast Day with John Carlo at
our back :)

the day we go to Jasmin's house and we decided
to take walk at the lake near to their house.

practice for our j.s prom :)

feast day :) Orville at our back

ROCK AND ROLL

hey best friend :)

BEST FRIEND BY HEART SISTER BY SOUL

"As long as we have memories, yesterday remains; as long as we have hope tomorrow awaits. As long as we have friendship, each day is never a waste. You are a gift wrapped in ribbons of thoughtfulness and trimmed with kisses and smiles, given by God to stay not just for a day, but for life. I won't promise to be your friend forever, because I won't live that long. But let me be your friend as long as I love. The times we shared are like shooting stars..short but really beautiful moments that are forever engraved in our hearts. I am going to give fresh flowers to you,Loving thoughts and prayers too,To make you lighter and brighter. Distance means so little when someone means so much. Especially when it is a friend like you. I hope you know I would not be the person I am today, without you. We gain and lose things every day. But trust me on one thing: YOU WILL NEVER LOSE ME! I will always be there as a friend! There is a gift that gold cannot buy and a blessing that's rare and true. It is the gift of a wonderful friend like the friend that I have in you. I cannot imaging what my life would be without a friend like you. You are the fuel that keeps me going. Time might lead me to nowhere and faith might break into pieces but I will always be THANKFUL that once in my life’s journey we became FRIENDS! If someone asks me what is friendship? I would sit next to you, pull you close to me, put my arms around you and say proudly 'this is friendship'.. thanks for being a wonderful friend."

Taken years ago! When we are a third year high school it was year 2012 i think. We hang out at mall together with our two other schoolmate.

isn't she lovely? :)

Get To Know Me

Hi! I'm Nicole but people around me call me Nicola :) I've been messed with, let down, and played too many times. I wonder what people think of me too much,and I'm way too judgemental. My heart is big, but I have my selfish moment. I love to be alone. Every song on my iPod has a special memory or a regret behind it. I don't like going through old pictures because I miss what used to be. I tend to over think things and trust way too many people. I have the people I'd love to pack up and leave with, and there are some people I wish would just disappear. I don't cry very often, but when I do, I can't stop. I hate the word goodbye and I wish it didn't exist. I hate liars, though I lie myself. I have secrets hidden that even I don't know. I'm still finding things out about myself, so don't be quick to judge.

I've fought dragons. I've been thrown inside an arena to kill 23 other kids. I've fallen in love with a fallen angel. I've experienced life as a zombie. I've been to a school with witches and wizards. I've killed with my mind. I've been a nameless mermaid longing for the world above. All because of books. It's pretty safe to say that sometimes I like books more than people.

I love vegetable and fruits i consider myself a vegetarian even though i ate some meats haha. My favorite color is Purple, Black and White. Regarding personal style, my answer would be... I don't know. I really don't have a particular style. Who says we have to? I dress up depending on how I feel. Sometimes, I'd be all nerdy. Sometimes, grunge. Sometimes, really girly. Sometimes, just plain weird. I could go from super bad gangsta to a boyish look. Weird? Yeah.

I'm that one girl who have big dreams in life but also wishing she never exist in this world.

but what really scares me is that im average im not really good at anything or really beautiful im going to live an average life with an average job an average income and die an average death with an average funeral and nobody is going to remember me... 

XOXO

NICOLA :))