We Were Never Lovers.

[ this time I can't edit my blogs for the mean time because I can't open my laptop but I want to carry on, on sharing my poems, thoughts, or whatevs in the internet world, do I'll keep posting some blogs as long as I'm not busy at school ] have a great day♥

it is almost sickening how long I allowed myself to be lied to
the only thing more disturbing was the fact that it was me doing all of the lying
the love gurus say that, “every love lost shall be a lesson learned.”
but, how can something be hard to find if it never existed?
we were never lovers.
it’s just the way you looked at me and the way you were the only one to call me by my middle name…
I thought you were different, special, destined to be mine.
I mean we liked all the same music and we understood each other’s weirdness
but, as you bluntly reminded me,
we were never lovers.
it’s weird how easily you can birth your emotions into a recluse
hide your feelings for me, act like we never happened
I’m sure I’ll be able to do the same, just need some time
cause, like you said, it’s disturbing how long I’ve been hurting myself
and since I always seem to drown in my feelings, while you can quietly tuck yours away
hopefully, it won’t take me so long since I’m aware now that
we were never lovers.
it wasn’t just the music, and your eyes, and the way my name so beautifully rolled off your tongue
it was also the ease of giving you my body and my soul
it was also the first time allowing myself to be vulnerable, finally feeling like I could trust someone
it was you making me feel that my presence was your desire
it was the love letters that I wrote and you willfully accepted because you made it so damned hard to speak whenever I was around you
maybe it was easy for you once you drained me and left me unfilled
I know who you are now, I’m glad that
we were never lovers.