Not Normal Remake

(Basically, this is my first ever blog at November and its the last Monday of the month, I'm so sorry for that. I'm quiet busy at my studying the past weeks i just study and study till my brain get so tired, we do some exams and recitation, which is so fricken hard for me because you know I'm not so good at Italian. But holiday break is so soon, I'll be posting more blogs the day there's no class. And also I came up with this ideal called "Poem Madness" which means I'll be posting some of my favorite poems I wrote..for the mean time enjoy this blog I wrote about remaking a scene at the famous cartoon show spogebob squarepants)

 I was hired to come up with an alternative episode of the Spongebob Squarpants series, I would make an alternative of the episode "Not Normal". If you have never seen the original episode, the main idea of it was that Squidward told Spongebob that he wasn't normal, and Spongebob got sad so then he wanted to become normal. He then changed his house and his whole personality. At the end, Patrick convinces Spongebob that he must go back to the way he was. Patrick helps him by doing the weirdest things that he can think of, and Spongebob eventually goes back to his "normal" self. In my alternative episode everything changes.

One sunny morning Spongebob wakes up to his very loud alarm clock. It's so loud that it wakes up Squidward. Everyone knows that Squidward can not stand Spongebob, so with all his anger he stumbles out of bed and goes to Spongebob's house. Spongebob is just having a normal morning, getting ready to go to work at the Krusty Krab. Squidward comes storming through the door, still in his pajamas. Do to Spongebob having such a great morning, like always, he is happy to see Squidward, even in a surprise visit. Squidward starts yelling at Spongebob, but he doesn't know what he is saying because Squidward is putting all his words together. The only thing that Spongebob hears at the end of Squidward's yelling was that he wasn't normal. Spongebob gets so sad that he starts to cry and Squidward gets even more angry , so he just walks away to go home. 

Spongebob is so unset that he goes crying to Patrick, his best friend. Spongebob says "Patrick am I really the weirdest person EVER?!?!". Patrick replies "Yes Spongebob, you are the weirdest person ever", and starts crying. "Why are you crying Patrick?" Spongebob asks Patrick. Patrick, still crying says "Well Spongebob, I don't know why I'm crying. Why are you crying?". Spongebob knows that Patrick doesn't always understand what he tells him so he explains to Patrick again, what happened. Patrick told Spongebob "That yes, he is the weirdest person that he has ever met, but that's why he is his best friend, and Squidward needs some time to relax". Spongebob decides to take Patrick's advice and not bother Squidward all day, even at work. All day at work Spongebob stayed in the kitchen, and made Krabby Patties. Squidward became curious to why Spongebob was quiet the whole day. When he asked him, Spongebob replied with "Well you told me that I was the weirdest person that you have ever met, so I decided to be quiet all day and be as normal as I could". Squidward was satisfied with himself, and continued on with his day. The next day he, walked outside and saw Spongebob walking to work. Squidward caught up with Spongebob to see if he was going to be his normal self today. When he looked at him, Spongebob wasn't square, he was round! He also didn't have craters on his body, and he wore jeans, with a collar shirt. Squidward stared at him with a shocked look in his face. Spongebob replied with "Hello Squidward, wonderful morning we're having". Squidward couldn't believe his eyes. Spongebob just continued on walking and as he walked off said "Well see you at work Squidward". 

Spongebob stayed in the kitchen, like the day before and made Krabby Patties in peace. Mr. Krabs came into the kitchen to see Spongebob about some shipping that had came in, but stopped in the middle of his sentence to see the "new" Spongebob. Spongebob told Mr.Krabs "Hello Sir, what we're you saying about the new shipment that had came in?". Mr.Krabs just looked at him and continued with what he was telling him. 

Squidward liked Spongebob being normal, but kind of missed the old, weird Spongebob. The next day Squidward went to work and saw that Spongebob was already there and now he was making all the customers be "normal". Spongebob was telling all the customers, what they needed to change, or they could never come back again. The customers would leave and come back different, and "normal". Squidward screamed and went to the kitchen, to get away from it all. He felt like he was in a bad dream, where everyone was bad dressed.  The end of the show would be Squidward telling Spongebob that he was sorry for calling him a weird person and telling him that he wasn't "normal". Spongebob tells Squidward that he was also sorry for bugging him and the last scene is the two of them hugging! 

We Were Never Lovers.

[ this time I can't edit my blogs for the mean time because I can't open my laptop but I want to carry on, on sharing my poems, thoughts, or whatevs in the internet world, do I'll keep posting some blogs as long as I'm not busy at school ] have a great day♥

it is almost sickening how long I allowed myself to be lied to
the only thing more disturbing was the fact that it was me doing all of the lying
the love gurus say that, “every love lost shall be a lesson learned.”
but, how can something be hard to find if it never existed?
we were never lovers.
it’s just the way you looked at me and the way you were the only one to call me by my middle name…
I thought you were different, special, destined to be mine.
I mean we liked all the same music and we understood each other’s weirdness
but, as you bluntly reminded me,
we were never lovers.
it’s weird how easily you can birth your emotions into a recluse
hide your feelings for me, act like we never happened
I’m sure I’ll be able to do the same, just need some time
cause, like you said, it’s disturbing how long I’ve been hurting myself
and since I always seem to drown in my feelings, while you can quietly tuck yours away
hopefully, it won’t take me so long since I’m aware now that
we were never lovers.
it wasn’t just the music, and your eyes, and the way my name so beautifully rolled off your tongue
it was also the ease of giving you my body and my soul
it was also the first time allowing myself to be vulnerable, finally feeling like I could trust someone
it was you making me feel that my presence was your desire
it was the love letters that I wrote and you willfully accepted because you made it so damned hard to speak whenever I was around you
maybe it was easy for you once you drained me and left me unfilled
I know who you are now, I’m glad that
we were never lovers.

Mental Illness

To everyone who says that "mental illness aren't that serious and you shouldn't miss school, because you're probably making it up anyways"

Have you ever sat in your room shaking and staring with blurred vision at the textbooks that lie on your bed?

Have you ever felt yourself gasping for air when your math teacher tells you to answer a question on the board?

Have you ever etched words of your English assignment on your skin instead of paper?

Have you ever thought about ending it all because you have three overdue assignments plus two from tonight?

Tell the woman sitting on the brown leather couch that holds a pen in hand and has watched me pull on my hair when I begin to talk about school, how much more important English class is.

Tell the paramedics that are on a first name basis with me.

Tell my teacher who are now trained to keep an eye on one of my classmates because they're afraid he might stab himself in neck with pencil if they give her too much homework.

I dare you to look me in the eye and tell me I'm faking it.

Pull up my sleeves and look at my mutilated skin and tell me I'm only doing it for attention, even though the only people who know I do this is myself are my best friend and the doctor who had to stitch up my wrists.

Tell me.

No, you know what?

Tell your sister to stop bleeding because she's getting blood all over her history report.

Tell your cousin, that a C isn't a reason to act like a fish out if water.

Tell your best friend as she they pull her out of school in a gurney to that she should get over it, and as the ambulance starts driving to the hospital don't forget to remind her to study for her biology final.

I dare you to watch me during school, pull up my sleeves, look me in the eye and tell me that school is more important than my sanity.

Worst thing to say to a person with a Mental Illness - "We Create Our Own Reality"

We create our own reality. This is one of my most hated sentences in the English language. This sentences screams of the middle-class-real-problemless-spoiled-rich-person. Yes, undoubtedly people who have home and families and health and happiness can make their own reality. They can fix the issues they have like leaky pipes, and not to be upset when the paperboy misses their front porch. I have no doubt this is possible.

But give me a fucking break.

People Do Not Create Their Own Reality.

People born into generations of poverty, not so much creating their own reality. People born with fetal alcohol syndrome, not so much creating their reality. People dying of starvation, not so much creating their own reality.

And sick people, not really capable of creating their own reality.

This is the Worst Thing to Say to Someone Sick

People with cancer, people with seizures, people with no legs, people with a mental illness - these people don't get to pick - pr create - their realities.

Okay, so you're saying to me, "but you can always change how you look at life."

See, again, I'm going to have to say, give me a fucking break.

There is Only So Great a Life in Pain Can Look

Change how you look at your life? Um. Sort of. Cancer person still dies, person with seizures still has seizures, paraplegics still have no legs, and people with a mental illness still have a sick brain. We're still fucked. We're still in pain. There is no pleasant spin you can put on wanting to kill yourself all day.

And in closing, I would just like to say, I dare anyone tell a starving child in Africa that they are making their own reality and they would change it if they wanted too. I fucking dare you. Because that's what you're telling me every time you say my brain isn't sick. And I can tell you, it's the worst damn thing to say.

Best Friend Doesn't Mean Forever

When I first met him I wasn't overly impressed. I had walked into a restaurant to dine with friends, and sitting at the table that greeted me is Him. I didn't notice his rugged good looks. I didn't pause to gaze down upon his broad shoulders, and thick chest. I hardly noticed the caramel color of his eyes.

What I saw was a broken tooth. A very tiny short broken upper lateral tooth. Nice tooth, I remember thinking. Who could have know that tiny significant flaw was what made me take notice and start paying attention.

From his head to his toe, his butt to his nose. He is one good looking member of the male persuasion. He's the kind of man that stands out in a crowd. Blessed with height and an athletic build, most of the female give him nine or better on the hottie scale.

To judge him solely on appearances would satisfy the most cynical of beauty critics. But his looks don't scratch the surface of his many layers. He cab make you wonder about lies beneath the exterior. Is he intelligent, funny or loyal? All I know is he is really a brainy guy the kind of guy who can get straight A without reviewing, and his quiet funny but he's more sarcastic and such a bully guy. Loyal, uhm I don't know. Are the distinct crinkles and laugh lines around his eyes from laughing or glaring? Why do the teeth that behind pale pink lips appear so warn and stained? Was this based on a lazy hygiene routine, or merely the accidental blemishes of a careless youth?

Tanned and toned, one might wonder if he spent his days working out in the gym and later lying in a tanned bed. More careful observation would reveal the tab to be uneven and freckled by many hours in the scorching sunlight. The scars and calluses on his hands, face, and shoulders and a strong back, place him as a man born and bred to labor.

His caramel eyes and deep brown hair give him an instantly intimidating look. Although his eyes usually gleam soft and bright with a tender gaze, they can harden into dark pools of glaring black pigments when he is upset or distrusting. His short shaved hair musters up no connection with frills or fussiness.

The only implication of meticulous grooming, lies in a dark brown goatee that received trimming, "pre-special-occasions." The goatee gracefully lies in a taught, angled jaw line. Very defined and strong, his features are classic and masculine, complemented by his straight nose.

Throughout my years of knowing him, I can still look at him and admire the swift grace in his movements. Quick eyes, quick hands, with an even quicker wit, he never ceases to amaze me. Possessing the grace of the Gazelle, he can charge into any situation with the thundering power of an elephant.

Clever by design, no task, mechanical or intellectual delays him for long. He has the power to adapt and overcome. I've relied on him during out relationship together more times than I count. Something always pops up. When I can't remedy the alone, I am comforted knowing I have him ever ready assistance.

I've ventured out, trying to describe the man I admire so much. With hope, you can see this man as I do through the power of my words. Seeing, as only I can, the special individuality that captures my heart whenever hers around. I am truly blessed to have someone I respect so dutifully in my life. Not only him as my best friend but he is like a brother to me. I believe that his character make-up will continue to produce the wonderful friend and loving best friend, for all our lives.

Forgettable - November 22,2012

He called me...forgettable

It was a slip of the tongue

A mistake I could see on his face

It shattered me instantly

My face contorted with a kind a pain only your best friend's words can unveil

Forgettable, easily forgotten

"I didn't mean that" he said

He did though and we both knew it

Truth has that way of hitting you, punching you in the gut

You never do anything rash was his expectation

To stand out, to be noticed

It's not your fault he whispered, its just the way you are

And I knew exactly what he was saying

I was one of the many

His eyes told me he was sorry the words had spill from his mouth

Laughing was my only way out

That's me I said with a wide smile and wink

That's exactly who I am 

I think one of the worst feelings is when you sadly come to the realization that you're slowly drifting apart with one of your closet friend and you're dying of the huge truth that's hit you right across your face that's waken you up and acknowledge you're losing that friend you always thought would always be your friend for as long as possible.

And it wounds you, it eats you, it haunts you to know your friendship is in jeopardy and sadly you know you can't do anything to stop falling apart when you see that this friend isn't putting the effort to reattach back the friendship as it was before, so it can live on and create more beautiful moments that you both can cherish in heart and in mind all over again.

It sucks, it hurts because really, how can you let go of someone you've grown so attach to that you're afraid of change without them there in your life?

I know things happen for a reason, but let go if that friend isn't cooperating like you are to bring back the friendship. The way I see it is, if you're putting all your mind and soul to someone who doesn't even notice it or gives back the same vibe, walk away. You're losing someone important in your life but you always gain something better in return..

Dreams

I'm not talking about aspirations or hopes here. Its more about those vivid images you get when you're sleeping or when you're in a daze.

How dreams and our brains work is a whole new issue so let's not get into it. Most of the time, we can't control our dreams. There are other times when we can and that's called lucid dreams-whereby dreamers know that they are dreaming and are capale of changing their dream environment and controlling certain aspects of the dream. How's that possible, don't ask me! Well, maybe when we day dream, the situations we can control? Hmmm....

Have you ever had times when you felt as through your dream was so real only wake up getting disappointed? I certainly dislike that feeling. But I guess there are also times when you wake up and felt so relieved that whatever that happened was only a dream. Like I ever said, everything has two sides to it. Dreams included.

Dreams are said to be signs and can be interpreted but I don't really believe in that. Dreams are just dreams and most of the time, they never occur in reality. I guess the reason why people like to sleep and dream is because only fairytales happen there. Once you wake up, sorry honey, its back to reality!

Dreams, some good and some bad
Millions of it we've definitely had

Floating on clouds, so surreal
Wake up; its everything but a fairytale

Sometimes we wished it last forever
Sometimes to happen, we wished it never

When we sleep, our minds supposed to be at rest
But instead its forever put to the test

I rather have a dream-less sleep
Then to awake, seeing myself weep

In the comfort of our feathered pillows
We drift to a place where the suns not yellow

Cos anything can happen in dreams
Unbelievable as it seems

Tauted by the non-existent ghost
Jerking you awake at most
with sweat trickling down our face
The fast breathing we have to pace

Suddenly we're watching the sunset
With that someone we wished we had
Dark clouds start to hijack the ambience
Then you're suddenly all alone

For a moment you thought you had it all
But just a seconds and you start to fall
Handicapped with fears, you start to tear
And all the visions are blur

When you awake you start to think
Happiness gone in a blink

Then you realized its just a dream
Something that was always better then it seemed

Building castles in the sky.....

Maybe It Left You Stronger

Have you ever had a time when you met someone from your past? Someone whom you always wished you would see but hardly did and when you least expect it, theyre-appear again in your life? At that moment, you just freeze not knowing what to do. You feel lost, just losing it all. And that person is looking all normal, like nothing has ever happened. You feel so weak but you know deep in your heart, never will you let yourself go back to last; the past which you have always wanted to erase.

You thought they left, that they were gone,
And then they suddenly appear after so long.
You feel paralyzed don't know what to do
Standing there speechless worse than a fool.

Weakness gets to you but you stand strong
History is where they should belong
You start to ponder and wonder why
Why they still come back when they meant goodbye

Their presence so obvious, you just can't avoid
This person who once had your heart spoilt
You appear normal, cheerful as ever
But in your heart, never so miserable

You want to scream, you want to shout
This persons feelings you no longer doubt
Its all over and you've had enough
You just got to show them that you're tough

They act so normal like nothing is wrong
Leaving you and coming back after so long
Why can't they see, why can't they tell
It was because of them, our world once fell.

No more chances they will get
All the memories you wish to forget
So what if again you'll meet
Now you know your hearts strong enough to defeat

Walking forward, Turning back,

Making Mistake

Ever made a mistake and feel like shit? I believe everyone has. Well, mistakes are unintentional errors that we should learn from. I don't see the point in dwelling in a past mistake. It has already past so one should just move on. Learn a lesson and don't ever repeat it. Period.

But some things I just don't understand. How can people repeat mistakes? Since they already know its wrong, why do they do it again? Why can't one learn from their mistakes?

When one party tells the other "it was such a big mistake marrying you", is the word "mistake" even valid in that sentence? Since mistake are unintentional, does it mean that the marriage to was unintentional? Hmm..

Mistake occur in so many aspects of our life from our work to our relationships and so many other things. One can never avoid making mistakes there's no one so perfect. Let's start being conscious of our mistakes and learn from them... Shall we?

Mistakes; you and I have made few
Besides learning from them, what can we do?

Is there a need to dwell on something that can't be changed?
Sometimes our thoughts and actions, we need to arrange.

Sorry once, sorry twice
How many more times? Need a dice?

Why can't one learn? Why can't they see?
Do they enjoy repeating history?

Learn from your mistake then toss it away
Let's learn to be mindful, starting today.

Making mistake,

Summer Vacation

Summer vacation is probably the happiest period in a student’s life. Everyone waits for summer vacation to enjoy going out for its warm weather because it’s the perfect opportunity to do outdoor activities. During summer you’re free to do whatever you want, not worrying about curfew or waking up early for school.  As a teenager, summertime fun in the sun began with the ringing of the last bell of the day. It means that it was time to throw away old home work assignments and to forget about anything to do with school for two months at least. Summer time is a time of simple pleasures and exciting times of the year. Two months of late night sleepovers with friends, hanging out at the malls, and not having to worry about homework. When summer vacation finally rolls around, I can never make up my mind on what to do first. Shall it be riding bikes to the park with friends or hanging out at the mall? One thing was for certain though, the family vacation.

This time we decided to spent our summer in Milan with family relatives who lived there. Milan, which for ten months is ugly, hectic, foggy, noisy, crowded, impersonal, wet, chaotic... surprised me to the point that I now wanted to visit it again next summer. The mass escape and closure usually takes place in August, so in July there is plenty to enjoy with concerts, events and fabulous places to eat. Our favorite one is Arrow's, one of the finest fish restaurants in Milan. The high quality of the products and the perfect mastery of the chefs will always present on your plates little masterpieces of taste.

In June and July, the music entertainment opportunities are endless thanks to the Milano City Sound Festival. In the first week of July at the Piccolo Teatro, the Milano Flamenco Festival takes place.

August, my favorite time in the city. Everything is closed, everybody is away, the heat is sometimes unbearable and to find a good restaurant is a challenge... why do I love all of this? Because it is the only time of year that you can feel Milan is really yours! The streets, usually packed with cars, are empty and you can reach every destination in less than twenty minutes if you have a car, but also a tour by tram, an icon of the city, is a pleasure and not a pain as it is in winter. Around you people are relaxed and smiling, happy to give you any sort of information you need and maybe indulging in a little chat. In the end you both share a secret about Milan, and this makes you members of the same brotherhood.

A relaxing walk in the Sempione Park is an opportunity to mix with the locals, who use this beautiful park as a family garden, and to enjoy a slice of fresh watermelon. Or you can visit the Garden of the Righteous in the Monte Stella, an artificial hill built with the rubble of World War II. I love walking from Castello Sforzesco to the Cathedral, passing through the Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II and there, in the middle of the gallery, do my lucky spin with my right foot on the genitals of the bull mosaic portrait. I don't know if it works but it is a fun tradition! The historic centre is always open and without the frenetic mob you can visit every single shop, browsing for bargains – there is always something left from the big July sales – and at the same time refresh yourself thanks to the stores' air conditioning. I prefer the natural coolness of the Cathedral where I spend hours enjoying myself with the magical stained glass. If you are brave enough, you can climb to the top of the Cathedral and from the roof have an amazing view of the city and, on a clear day, of the Alps. After a day like this we usually reward ourselves with ice-cream at Il Massimo del Gelato, where you can choose between eight different kinds of chocolate ice-cream or try the fantastic granita. It's the only ice-cream shop you have to queue to enter, even at 10 pm, but it's totally worth the wait.

As it is with every summer, there seems never to be enough time to enjoy all the simple things in life. I can still remember the excitement and enthusiasm I shared with my family, especially with my brothers. It was, I think, one of the best summers I had experienced. For me, spending the summer with the entire kin and friends is as greatly fun as it could be.

He doesn't love you \Anastasia/

Lullabies - All Time Low

- I finally blog this. I wrote this last February. Someone find out my blog  and that someone send me emails. She tells me a story about her relationship. She called it "fuck up relationship", I'm already familiar about their story not because I experience it already but because I can see it at others relationship too. I ask myself when we're chatting, Why does her boyfriend will do that? How can that boy hurt that pretty girl? She's one of the sweetest girl, kind and such a sweetheart. She has a beautiful hazel eyes and beachy brunette hair, Gods gracious she's a perfection so "WHY WOULD HER BOYFRIEND DO THAT TO HER?" I keep repeating that question all over my mind.

Before we talk, I believe that pretty girls have a perfect relationship but everything change when i heard her story.

I never realize someone that I didn't meet or know personally will share her story to me. (: Hoping SHE's happy now and stronger when it comes to love.

You're only young once. Get a grip.

He doesn't love you? The best revenge is not to love him back. To find little things that annoy you about him and pay attention to only them so you cant even bear to be in the same room as him anymore.

Don't let him touch you. Tell him if he touches you one more time you'll cut his fucking hands off.

When he laughs, keep a straight face. Make him as uncomfortable as he makes you.

When he asks you to sleep with him, look disgusted and say "never again" like you mean it.

Throw the socks he left in your room out the window or, better yet, dangled them on his door knob to remind him that he's not getting laid and that you'd rather not see his dumb face right now.

Think of him with other girls as therapy and practice your most disinterested face so if he does get with anyone else he'll think you don't care.

Don't talk about him. Every time you say his name, he's winning. You know how much he hate to lose. Imagine the look on his face and laugh.

Purposefully fuck up drinking games to piss him off. Don't get with other guys in front of him to make him jealous because you know he won't bite. Wait until someone great comes along and say "I've never liked anyone like this, I haven't felt anything for anyone in such a long tine" and don't wait for him to react.

Pretend he doesn't exist. Go days without thinking about him. Stop going around with false errands just to see him. Stop noticing that he comes out of his room whenever you're round.

Think "he's fucking with my emotions and he's not worth my time, I can do so much better" and believe it

Give yourself the talk you give other girls, treat yourself as well as them and listen to what they say to you unless it's "I think he actually likes you" to which you should reply "bullshit".

Don't hunt or flirt or chirps. Surprise him by not biting when he does. Nonchalance is the key - he'll stop if you don't react.

Don't let him know he hurt you unless you follow it up with "so you're a dick and you can fuck right off".

Take care of yourself and don't let him hurt you ever again.

\Anastasia/

Would you remember me?

You don't have to but if by chance, Would you remember me? I wasn't talented but I made you laugh for a little while. If you were hurt from our love, And there were no good memories, Would you remember them at least just once? Would you remember me if you meet someone like me? Would you remember me if you hear the song that we used to listen to? Would you remember me if you meet someone with the same name as me? You don't have to but please remember me at least just once.

How are you lately? I ask about you, I wonder if you could hear me. If you forgot me already, could you remember me again? If you were happy for just one moment and I was the reason for that, Will you remember me at least just once? You don't have to but please remember me at least just once. I'm different, I remember you without meeting someone like you. I remember you whatever you do somewhere, I remember you without meeting someone with the same name as you. I remember you while I breath. I Do

My Declaration of Self Esteem

You can't touch it, but it affects how you feel. You can't see it, but its there when you look at yourself in the mirror. You cant hear it, but its there every time you talk about yourself. What is this important but mysterious thing? It's your self esteem is instilled in us during our youth. There are two types of self esteem. There is high self esteem which is when you feel good about yourself, and then there is low self esteem which is when you feel bad about yourself. Being constantly criticized by family, friends, and society tends ti slowly strip us of our feelings of self worth. Our low self esteem strips us of our self and confidence to make even the smallest decisions. We think little of ourselves, and feel we are not worth a penny and do not deserve to be happy. High self esteem is good nost of the tim, but some people have too high self esteems and they could come on strong. People may call refer to these type as "cocky" or "annoying". But since low self esteem is still worse than the higher one, lets see what solutions there are to fixing it.

I am me. In all the world, therr is no one else exactly like me. There are persons who have some parts like me, but no ine adds up exactly like me. Therefore, everything that comes out of ne is authentically mine because I chose it. I own everything about me: my body, including everything it does; my kind, including all its thoughts and ideas; ny eyes, including the images of all they behold; my feelings, whatever they may be: anger,joy, frustration, love disappointment, excitement; my mouth and all the words that come out of it: polite, sweet or rough, correct or incorrect; my voice, loud or soft, and all my actions, whether they be to others or to myself.

I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own all of my triumphs and successes, all of my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimatrly acquainted with nr. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with me. I can then make it possible for all of me to work in my best interests. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know. But as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for the solution of the puzzles and ways to find out more about me.

However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a givrn moment in time is mine. This id authentic and represents where I am at that moment in tine: When I review later how I looked and sounded, what I said and did, and how I thought and felt, some parts may turn out to be unfit. I can discard that which is unfitting and keep that which proved fitting and invert something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear,feel,thinj, say and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me and therefore. I can engineer me. I am me and I am okay.

MORE! 100 Facts about me.

1. I fall for fictional characters way too hard
2. I hate attention seekers, especially who throw themselves at men and try to be funny. Girl you ain't gonna get him. 
3. I slayed my sleeping habit
4. I'm a shitty blogger hehe XD
5. I cursed a lot but it doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. It helps me release some of the negative emotions I have inside.
6. I HATE CLOWNS!
7. I'm obsessed to Guinea Pigs
8. I'm a Common Band Girl
9. If you have a good taste in music we can date :D lol
10. I hate going to the beach, well I used to love it but now i don't like it.
11. But i love looking at the pictures of some oceans but if i'm standing in front of the ocean and looking at it for real. I can feel myself drowning.
12. When I start crying, I only stop when I fall asleep
13. I always get really upset when i'm ignored by others
14. I listen to my favorite bands album every single day.
15. I don't like people who hate my favorite band/artist
16. I'm really unhealthy I can't even walk up the stairs without feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack
17. Too much goosebumps makes me teary eyed.
18. I hate people who take advantage of my hospitality and only talk to me when they have issues.
19. I want to be in Croatia
20. I LOVE ALL TIME LOW! They give me heart attack every time i'm listening to their songs.
21. I used to do well at school but about a year ago I stopped caring about it and now I'm falling every class.
22. I'd sell everything to meet every band i like
23. I always give people a chance no matter how they look because I don't judge books by it's cover
24. I used to hate pizza's here in Italy but today I can't leave without eating it every single day.
25. I cant even order my own food at restaurants because I'm too scared of being judged
26. For me, when you have a person that always make you laugh is the best thing in the world
27. I want to donate my hair to a cancer patient but my hair sucks.
28. My idols are the main reasons on why I'm still living, if you talk about them wrongly I will hate you forever.
29. I'm still in love to my first high school love.
30. I love my 4 best friends from the bottom of my heart.
31. I'm very compulsive like when i hold a knife i have this weird urge to stab the person next to me or myself.
32. I have a guitar but i don't know how to play it. I suck
33. I almost died when I'm a 6th grade while i'm on our camping and we're having a swimming with all the campers. I was been push by some campers and I was drown and almost died if one campers didn't pull my hand.
34. I really don't like shopping
35. I can obsessed with someone I just met and that I barely know
36. I get turned on whenever I see men who look serious and intimidating
37. If you text me without smileys or emoji I will consider you a robot
38. I support Gays. they make  a lot of people happy including me.
39. I don't think i'm good in  any subjects in school because i'm not smart aha..!
40. My phone gallery consist of 99% my idols pictures and 1% ugly selfies
41. I never realized how unhappy I was until experienced real happiness.
42. I don't really like too much expensive things
43. I act like a boy sometimes
44. I think being old-fashioned is okay because I'm old fashioned 10000%
45. Water is my favorite drink. Aha! Yeah I'm so cheap.
46. I drink water like I'm about to be stranded in the dessert.
47. Nicholas Sparks and John Green are my favorite author
48. Someone used to call me Fun Size. I still laugh when I remember that.
49. I only want to be famous to meet my favorite bands and artist.
50. My favorite animated movies are: Frozen, Wreck It Ralph, Peter Pan, Cinderella and Tangled.
51. I used to have a imaginary child friend. His name is Kian, he had ginger orange hair and he plays guitar and sing me a songs every night before i go to sleep. Then he disappeared and I cried, I miss him :( 
52. Looks don't matter to me, a beautiful inside is the only thing that's important.
53. I have a new celebrity crush, Ladies and Gentlemen his name is Ansel Elgort
54. I'm that quiet girl in our class planning how to kill those fake bitches. hahaha
55. Taylor Caniff is my new bae. He is perfect in his bandanas
56. Sometimes I pretend I have a friend
57. the perfect kind of date is going to concert together, eat pizza, watch movie and just cuddle.
58. The Fault In Our Stars is my new fave book and I can't wait to cry when the movie comes out.
59. I don't wear earrings. I just find them uncomfortable and I fiddle with them!
60. I don't like Barbie's. I'm little scared to them and I find them too much girly lol *weird* ikr
61. I want to live in van and go roadtripping with some of my friends.
62. I name everything I own. :D
63. Despite my fear of the ocean, I want to learn how to surf
64. If I could turn my life into any story I would choose Peter Pan. I always wanted to be wendy and go off with Peter to Neverland. I would've stayed.
65. I really like vintage things
66. Until now I'm still confused whats the right spelling of the "COLOR or COLOUR"
67. I'm having a hard time letting go my past, i'm still holding on it. Sometimes i wish i could go back and relive to it.
68. I really like Oreos
69. I prefer werewolves more than vampires
70. I don't like twilight even though my bae Taylor Lautner is part of the movie.
71. my screen name is: Surname - Blogger First Name - Shitty. Hi I'm Shitty Blogger
72. I really don't like new born cats
73. I like 2am conversation :)
74. I prefer cuddling over kissing any day.
75. I'm extremely ticklish.
76. I'm hella chill but if you get on my bad side i'll be the first to pop off
77. I find it so attractive when boys wear bandana and had a lip piercing XD
78. One of my biggest fear is getting played while being loyal.
79. I am going to get a guinea pigs this 2014 summer
80. If i will be going to get 2 i will named them "Cake" & "Mashton" (a little update, i didnt name them to that)
81. Sometimes I pretend I'm such a cool kid but I suck.
82. I hate NEEDLE/INJECTIONS.
83. When I'm a first year high school, I was been hospitalized because of kidney failure and can't breath well.
84. first time being hospitalized. They injected or insert the dextrose in my right and left hand 16 times.
85. I'm really allergic to perfume. I can't breath when I can smell a perfume and sometimes I want to puke.
86. Drake is my favorite Rapper
87. If you gave me a mash potato, i will love you forever.
88. Someone used to call me Princess Topak (Topak means Crazy) lol
89. I hate spending money to much.
90. I can drink 150cl bottle water the whole day.
91. I'm really confused sometimes because if i look in my mirror i look fine but when i look at others mirror for example at the public mirror i look like i didn't sleep for 10 days.
92. I really hate riding at the train but I have too.
93. Relationship Goal: Austin Butler & Vanessa Hudgens
94. I ship. Harrison Webb & jennxpenn
95. I panic attack the first time i'm at the plane on our way here in Italy
96. I am very easily distracted
97. I really like Hunter Hayes, Ed Sheeran and Ron Pope
98. I want to go every Disney in the world mostly in Disney at Orlando and Paris
99. Blogging helped me with my anxiety
100. When I'm still in the Philippines I used to wake up every 2am. I don't know why but its like already a habit of mine to wake up. As the clock strike 2am I open my eyes look at the ceiling then gonna grab my phone exactly 2am. Luckily its often happening to me now.

OKAY. To be honest there is already 200

facts about me that I share on my blog ha!

I really just want you to know me more,

and only some people know about this to me.

So yeah! You're Welcome x

You say let's call it friendship

Therapy - All Time Low

There's no use of regretting now; There's no use in holding now. Because you were by my side and I got used to you. i didn't know it was love. I can't call out to you again. I won't be able to ever call out you again. I say goodbye but it's not what I really mean. I spare it and leave.

I guess I thought we were only friends. I guess I thought this was only friendship. When I'm missing you like this. When I'm so frustrated like this, I deceive my own heart like a fool. I guess we can't even be friends now, I guess this can't just friendship, because when I'm next to you, when I'm looking at you I already know it's love.

You just say forget it. You just say that this isn't it. You say let's stop this and coldly turn around. You say let's just be friends. You say let's just call it friendship, I can't live without you now even when it's hurt like this, even when I cry you pretend you not know and smile.

Can't you love me. Can't you hold me for even one day, for even one moment.

"I'm not in your heart, I'm in the flowing tears"

The cold winds are blowing
the leaves are falling to the ground
soon the snow will be falling
and my heart will be crying
because you're not around.

Another year is passing,
and still we're apart.
I don't understand, I don't know
But the pain is deep in my soul.
How do I explain this to my heart?

You said you'd be there when I need you
Where the hell ate you now?
In another woman's arms holding her tight?
I  an hardly make it trough the night
without crying your name out loud.

Don't you know that not a day goes by
That you don't cross my mind?
It's hard to believe that you still care
When months go by without a word
I must be blind.

Blinded by a love I feel
for a man who will never be mine.
Tell me how to turn it off,
Show me how to kill this love,
Throw the switch so it will die.

I think I'm slowly losing my mind.
How can I forget you?
You're the one true love I've ever known.
The cold seeps into my bones
and my heart is turning blue

My friends think I'm crazy
for caring so much
That I'd gladly risk everything
To be in your arms once again
To feel the magic of your touch

I know you're not Prince Charming
But yo're the closest thing I've ever seen
I long to feel your lips on mine
And once again my "sun" will shine
I'm sure you know what I mean

Come back to me, my love!
Show me that you still care
Warm my heart and my bed
Clear the for from my head
Prove that you'll always be there

Nostalgia feelings...

Nostalgia: a longing for the past.

Is there such a thing as nostalgic pangs? Well, similar to hunger pangs that is. Hah! Maybe someone, something, somewhere we experience some point in life would give us the feeling of nostalgia. A reminder of a memory either of a person/or people, an event, a feeling yadaaaa..

This term was actually used by soldiers who were suffering from combat fatigue which led to the obsessions of returning home. But after all these years, people have somehow changed the meaning. And now it usually means dwelling on the past.

I feel that the feeling of nostalgia cannot be ignored when it's evoked. And this feeling is usually associated with emotions that are more to the sad side. Probably because certain things in the past we yearn for. Or we wish could happen again.

To me, nostalgia is quite a beautiful feeling... what about you?

The nostalgic feelings I try to understand
Something, some place, someone, some where in time.

Whisked back into the past
Where memory is all that lasts

Wishing you were there once again
Hoping things were still the same

Tears of sadness, maybe of joy
Certain feelings you just can't toy

A moment in time you wish to freeze
Wishing this moment would never cease

There's nothing we can do to stop the time
looking back at memories at its prime

Nostalgic feelings you can't ignore
Nostalgic feelings might make you sore

Nostalgic feelings you sometimes have
Nostalgic feelings and its aftermath...

Living in the past...

Learn to let go!

This post is for all those out there who find it so hard to let go of things that have already been gone for so long. Learn to move on. Because the only thing's holding you back in life is yourself.

Maybe you're feeling frustrated, worried, troubled -so many things. All because of one person or something that have happened. If it's all in the past, why still harbour all these negative feelings in you? Are you happy feeling sad?

Then you question, How to let go? I tried but it's so hard. Well it's really all up to you. No one can help you because it's all within. Why exhaust yourself over thoughts which are no longer valid? Why worry for someone when that person doesn't even cares your existence?

Find all means to let go. If it's a person that has been lingering your mind, someone you're trying hard to forget-delete all mean of contact with that person. Forget him/her. Do whatever you can to erase those un-happy thoughts.

And when you finally learnt to let go, you'll feel lighter-spiritually that is, And you'll feel so much happier. So many things we encounter are all part and parcels of life, growing up and maturing. These things are inevitable and its only up to us how to handle them.

Enjoy life and stay happy.

Another poem; enjoy!

You seem to be everything I wanted in a man
being with you give me butterflies
a feeling I can't seem to comprehend.
Your charisma, your charm
never knew it'd bring harm.
I took time and effort to care for you
springing surprises -though a few.
I knew this gesture would make you smile
but to love me you took a while.

I know you're busy, you don't have time
and so I waited, never did I whine.
But it has reached a point, I can't control
my feelings and emotions I have to let go.
Invisible chances I always gave,
In you I had so much faith.
But this time I'll leave, I'll be gone
when you turn back and look for me
no longer will you still see,
that girl who waited patiently.

Dare to dream the IMPOSSIBLE.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Disney Princess. Then I wanted to be a ballet dancer, then a singer, then a doctor, then an artist, then a cinematographer, then a theater artist, then just a photographer, then a 3D animator, then a fashion designer (but I don’t know how to draw), then a record store owner, with a fashion label, and then finally now all I wanted is to be an writer.

I have real problem with staying in the same place for a long period of time. By “space” I mean head space, really. I constantly need to be creating and trying new ideas…and then I move on. I’ve always been this way ever since I can remember. By the time I finish something, I’m already thing about what else I can do. I struggle with this blog sometimes because my direction changes sometimes I start to think about redoing the whole thing and sometimes I’m writing some lame blogs that think people wouldn’t like it. When people ask me what I do, I have a hard time answering them. “I’m writing a poem, stories and I do blogs” seems to make the most sense to me, but obviously that would seem like boring hobbies to others.

This year I’m focusing on studying trying to pass my tourism course and writing some poem and stories then share it on my blog. I've creating a life that I want. Everyone deserves that for themselves, don’t they? Every time I can feel myself giving up already I’m just thinking about my dream and whispering to myself “I can do it, Stay Strong.” To be honest being strong sometimes is so hard too especially when you’re holding that word (Stay Strong) for a very long time already.

Writing is not my first love, but I fell in love to it when I'm lonely, the times no one was there to save me from my loneliness and when no one is there to give me some advice in my problems. I remember one day, I just grab a one pencil and a scratch paper and i just started writing with my thoughts about getting my first heartbreak, after that I continue making it and became one of my hobby until now.

It's just a hobby! But I want it to be my lifestyle hobby now. I want to study how to be a professional writer and maybe SOMEDAY I'll be working at a Magazine Company in New York (dare to dream).

To achieve that dream, I will first going to finish my course Tourism (I'm going to stick with that, even it's not really what i want) and when I've already got a job and earn enough money, I will move in New York City (or anywhere else in part of America) then study there and have a proper job.

It's like an impossible dream for me and for the other people but I will make that impossible dream to be possible. One day people will see me living my dream already because of the work hard.

If you can dream it, You can do it - Walt Disney

.....and you, what's your dream? (:

Fantasy in a fairytale...

Not About Angels by Birdy

A part of me wants to kill the you
that I once knew so I don't have to
deal with all this pain anymore,
Why do you get to run away and live
life, and why do I get stuck with all
this reoccurring guilt dragging me down.
I tried contacting you two months back
but you never answered...
You said that we would still be friends,
and you said you'd always be there for
me at my lowest moments, You said
that you loved me, and that you would
never hurt me; what happened?
Did I do something wrong? Did i stop
interesting you like a brand new  toy
to a three year old? What happened
to the passionate stories of our future?
Did this drift away like the man I used
to know?

I sat in a crowded room with joyous
people. It was meant to lift my spirits
but it did not work, I sat there wondering
how long it takes for a human to die if
they are exposed to acid, and when you
hang yourself do you still struggle.
And through all this suicidal thoughts
and existential crisis that I was having,
I still thought back to you. No matter
how sad I was, you could make me
smile and fell like a queen when no
one else could. And how you promised
you'd be there for me! And the nights,
I spent praying to some higher
authority that you would come back
But you NEVER did...
To this day, I don't know if it's the
pain of nostalgia, or if I miss the
lies you fed me. Either way, you
broke me down and convinced
me that love is nothing but a
fantasy in a fairytale...


- When you remember your heartbreak and words just keep spilling in your mind all you need to do is grab a piece of paper and a pen then just simply write all the words. </3