Should you give your ex a second chance?

Whether you’re reconnecting with a great love or a flame that fizzled, reviving a past relationship can be the best thing ever—or a massive mistake. While it’s of course impossible to predict the future and know if settling down for a second time is 100% the right move, there are ways to make a more informed decision. Step one? Ask yourself the questions below.

Are you sure you’re not making the same mistake twice?

Think with your heart, but seal the deal with your brain. Hone in on the reason why you two split in the first place to see if it’s truly something you believe you can work past. Situational breakups caused by factors like timing, distance, or parental disapproval can allow for a happy, successful relationship to re-blossom once said factors are taken out of the mix. But if you two broke up for other reasons—cheating, anger issues, general not meshing—it can be way trickier. Is it possible to overcome these problems? Sure, but you gotta work at! Which brings us to…

Are you able to ditch the baggage?

If things ended messily, it’s safe to assume that one of you still holds some sort of grudge. (Hey, you’re only human!) In order to successfully give your union a second go, you have to make sure you’re able to leave your previous relationship failings at the door—or at least have a healthy dialogue about how you plan to avoid them this time around. The problems that caused the split in the first place could flare up once again, so this kind of open discussion (or the decision to let bygones be bygones) is key. After all, you’re trying to start fresh: Having to apologize for the same mistakes over and over again will sabotage any chance you two have to make it work.

Are you doing this for the right reasons?

Past issues aside, you need to do a deep dive into why you want this person back in your life. Conquering heartbreak is a miraculous feat, and falling back into the same relationship (and hurt and pain) because your admittedly no-good ex wants you back or because you think it will make your friend group cohesive again is probably not the best choice! Take into account what’s best for you, now and in the future, and establish a solid argument for why your relationship deserves another chance.

Are you so happy you can’t stand it?

Over the moon with bliss? Finally realize what you were missing? Those hand-drawn hearts all over your notebook are probably a good sign you’re making the right decision. But as excited as you are, remember to be patient. You can’t pick up exactly where you left off, so acknowledge that you’ll have to backtrack a bit before stepping into the full swing of things. Bask in the sort-of-new relationship glow, and take comfort in knowing you made the decision that’s right for you.

- N xx